While I enjoy talking off the ears of my pals at LAA and OA, I thought it might be worthwhile to identify that these two addictions are actually intertwined. So here I am.
The dance of food and love is an intricate one which I, myself, do not fully understand. Come along with me, dear reader, and hopefully we will discover the how and why of it. Deep down at the very core of it all I crave love, of course. Food, although tasty and the stuff of sustenance, is secondary. It took me years to realize this. For the longest time I thought I was a food addict only, until suddenly it hit me - duh! What I really want is .......L.O.V.E. I crave love like a meth-head who would run into a burning meth-lab for the last little scrap of the stuff. All we need is love? Right on, man. The Beatles were onto something. Unfortunately love has completely eluded me my entire life.
This is not for the lack of trying! For a time I can even starve myself to make myself "beautiful" so a man will "love" me (note that love is in quotations here because it is not real love if you have to look a certain way to get him to be with you). But then inevitably he doesn't love me. I feel so empty I run to the food, and soon I find myself thick in my food addiction again, surrounded by piles of Snicker's wrappers and empty cartons of Chubby Hubby. It hurts, oh boy does it hurt, when inevitably I discover he never really loved me at all. This is a theme that has looped its way around and around in my life since I was but a lass.
